


Fowl Play

by itachiphobia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, i guess, i'll add the other characters later, idk what this is supposed to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 14:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12534172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itachiphobia/pseuds/itachiphobia
Summary: This was supposed to be a series but lmao it's now just a one shot.





	Fowl Play

This was quite possibly the most difficult Akatsuki mission Itachi was forced to deal with. No jinchuriki, no tailed beast, no mercenary, no skilled shinobi could come close to this. No mission would acquire this high level of expertise and precision. He had to think carefully and devise a strategy to yield the best results with minimal damages.  

This was no ordinary chicken.  

"You done yet?!" Hidan called from outside the kitchen Itachi and his opponent were in. 

"I'm  _trying."_ Itachi hissed back.  

His patience was running low. He looked back at the fat, white bird that had somehow managed to find its way into one of Akatsuki's most protected hideouts.  _How in the world did it get here?_  

"Cluck, cluck," the bird said from above the cupboard, as though trying to taunt the Uchiha. 

Deidara was outside with Kakuzu and Hidan, clutching at his face and whining because of the scratches the bird had managed to give to his face. The other members were busy with their missions, while the ones in the hideout had their day off. A day that was now taken away thanks to the chicken. 

After Deidara's mishap with the bird, neither Kakuzu nor Hidan were able to successfully bring the ravaging bird under control without causing damage to the hideout. They were running low on funds for the time being, as Pain had  _explicitly_ pointed out. So Itachi, who had just returned from his mission was forced to step up. Kisame, who was with Itachi at that point of time, refused to help outright by leaving the hideout after explaining that he was allergic to chickens, a fact Itachi was either not aware of or a fact Kisame was lying about. 

Either way, he was stuck with the mission. The bird refused to leave the kitchen, trashing around everything it could find and pecking at every edible item. The place was a complete mess. Itachi was particular about cleanliness, but Konan was insufferable when it came to things like this. He had to contain the bird as soon as possible, before Pain and Konan returned. 

"Use your eyes or something!" Hidan called out again.  

"Oh, thanks. That's great help. I wonder why I didn't think of that before." 

Apparently, chickens were resistant to genjutsu. Perhaps it had something to do with their small brains, making it difficult for them to distinguish the difference between illusions and reality. Whatever it was, the chicken was clearly using it to its advantage. It was fat, but it was fast. It would fly every once in a while, to get away from Itachi's reach and then look down at him and utter a few clucks of mockery. Itachi would jump or climb up to get to the bird, but it would just slip past his hands and land on the ground. The process would repeat all over again, so Itachi figured that he had to switch back to his old plan again. He only had to execute it more carefully this time.  

Itachi peeked out of the door to look for Kakuzu. Hidan squeaked instinctively and took cover behind Kakuzu, fearing the chicken might attack. Seeing that it was just Itachi, he cleared his throat and stood next to Kakuzu. "You didn't kill him, did you?" he asked. "Please tell me you didn't kill him." 

"Hey, Kakuzu," Itachi said, ignoring Hidan, "could you perhaps weave a larger net? And this time, can you weave a stronger one? The smaller one fell apart before I could even throw it on the bird." 

"Sure." Kakuzu proceeded to do as he said, pulling on his robes. Deidara's complains about the burning scratches on his face continued on in the background.  

Itachi, now with a new net, was more. determined than ever. Time was running out and he had to make progress. He looked at the chicken, who had paused pecking at the rice which had spilled from the container onto the floor, to look at its pursuer. 

"Please cooperate," Itachi muttered calmly. 

He activated his Sharingan, to be sure of what the bird's intended path of escape would be this time. It was an intense moment of intense stares. Itachi held his ground for a while, analysing every possible plan of action. He took in a deep breath, pounced forward as he threw Kakuzu's net over the bird. 

"Yes!" the ever-composed man yelled with a sense of accomplishment as he saw the chicken struggle underneath the net, finally trapped. He carefully paced forward and tied the ends of the net, to keep the bird from escaping again. However, when he gathered it in his hands along with the bird, the net fell apart just like it had the previous time. The bird, taking its chance, leapt up, pecked Itachi on the head, and fluttered its way to the top of the cupboard. 

"Cluck, cluck." 

The other three Akatsuki then heard a loud frustrated cry from inside the kitchen, followed by some profanities they had never heard from the prodigious Uchiha. 

"Welp, I'm out," Kakuzu muttered as he turned around. 

"No!" Hidan protested, running after him. "Wait! Come back! We're in this  _together!"_  

 

* * *

 

Konan returned to the hideout after a day of disappointment. The mission Pain and her had been assigned turned out to be a lot more complicated than they had anticipated, and it was time to involve the other members as well by reassigning the missions and devising a new plan to look for a new member.  

However, it seemed like they _clearly_ had other matters on hand. She stood at the entrance of the main room, gaping at the men in front of her. The entire place was a mess. Kakuzu's threads covered almost every part of the floor. The place was littered with grains and other food stuff they had stored in the kitchen. There were utensils everywhere, starring from the kitchen to the end of the meeting hall. The place was far from recognisable. She threw a questioning glare at the occupants of the room.  

Deidara was sprawled on the sofa, his face buried in his face as he continued to mumble something under his breath. Hidan stood in the corner, fumbling with his hands and grinning awkwardly at her once he took notice of her. Kakuzu was seated behind him, his elbows resting on the table as he massaged his forehead. Itachi, who perhaps looked the most miserable of all, had his cloak off, heaving sighs of exhaustion. He was mumbling something inaudible. And for some reason, he didn't seem all to bothered about the fat, white chicken perched on his head, pecking at his dishevelled hair. 

"What—" 

"We...uh..." Hidan cut her off, jumping in front of her to block her view, "I think we may have found our newest member." 

 

   


End file.
